I guess all I can say is that I'm still trying to get there. Still trying to get to that point where I can call myself independent once again. It's been a month and other than simply getting used to my routine and schedule here I haven't done very much. This is largely due to lack of money and the fact that prior to MOVING to Madrid I had visited this city numerous times because of its proximity to Toledo were I studied in 2008. I've already seen all the major tourist sites, know how the metro works, visited my fair share of restaurants and bars and gone shopping. Therefore, I've actually been quite bored. I feel horrible saying that I'm bored while in such a fascinating European country like Spain but maybe its because I've simply seen myself change from a juvenile to an adult. I think I have already gone through that whole phase of feeling like my life lacks adventure and therefore NEEDING to do something spontaneous and crazy- like traveling around Spain alone for a month (which I did back in the summer of 2008). I guess what I'm trying to say, rather unsuccessfully, is that I've grown up. Instead of idealizing a place in my head like Spain for example, I now see both the positives and the negatives. I used to have no doubt in my mind that Spain was far superior to any other country in the world and now I know that maybe at that point in my life I was just a different person. This is not in any way saying that I've "scratched the itch" to travel and explore the world. Rather now I don't feel like I need to leave my home country for multiple months to do this. I think now I would be perfectly happy to take a few weeks a year and travel and see places that I've never seen.
I'm not trying to be pessimistic about being in Spain for 8 months. I'm very lucky and very fortunate and I will do everything I can to fully appreciate this time here so that I don't look back one day and ask myself, "Why did you spend that whole time homesick? What a waste." I guess returning to Spain naturally made me realize how lucky I was back home and how I so often took my life and the people in my life for granted. I've truly developed a new-found pride for being an American and specifically being a Minnesotan- something I spent the better part of my life denying. I've often found myself daydreaming about snow as well which is something I would never have done even as little as a year ago. My family was telling me the other week about the first winter snowfall and how they were all cozy in their house, drinking hot chocolate and listening to Christmas music. All I could think was that that is what I wanted to do too and how regardless of the long and often cold Minnesota winters, I love Minnesota. I now can say with certainty that Minnesota is my home and that I will never feel more home than when I'm back there. So I suppose something positive DID come out of being homesick- I realized that I'm a true Minnesotan and that I will never again take my time with my family and friends there for granted. They are the world to me and even though I'm over 4,000 miles away from them, I still feel a strong connection to my home and the people there. When I get back early summer I will fully enjoy all the things that I missed so much while abroad and I will never again think about how I'd rather be off on some adventure alone when I could be with the ones that I love.
Minnesota Winter 2008-2009
Friends
The two loves of my life: my boyfriend and Tabby
My family
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